The Art of Relationships

Every person you meet is a mirror. When we share love, we see love. When we share kindness, we find kindness. When we hold onto anger, we experience anger. When we desire control, we feel controlled.

When we want another to “do it our way” we rob them of their own soul’s dignity. In reality, we don’t know the greater why, how, what, or when the gift of their own awareness, learning, growth or upliftment will bloom.

Who are we to presume we know what another truly needs?

If you could consider everything that bothers you about a person or situation to be a reflection of what you think, believe or judge, you would experience joy beyond measure as you meet and accept the you that you see in others.

This isn’t easy stuff to get the hang of. It hurts, stings, and is a royal pain in the you-know-what when we begin the journey of letting go and opening to the greater truth contained in our loving heart. However, I can tell you that if you hang in there, your life will become much easier and more fulfilling than you ever dreamed possible.

I’m not sure we ever stop wanting to change the “other” in our life until we stop trying to change ourselves. Our ego will always tell us if we change our environment, situation, circumstance, etc. things will be better.

We keep from falling back into our old routines and habits by allowing ourselves to grow naturally.  What is forced doesn’t have a chance to grow roots, what is nurtured grows strong.

If you could recognize that a fight is nothing more than a cry for love,

“see me, hear me, love me” then compassion is born. Fighting fairly is to allow yourself vulnerability without taking what the other person is saying or doing personally – it is taking care of yourself and then learning how to take care of others.

Sometimes the best way to fight fairly is to just walk away for a while and calm down.  Even a shower sometimes does the trick.  Take a deep breath and choose to come from your loving heart. This sometimes means putting yourself in their shoes.

It doesn’t serve you well to “pretend” things don’t bother you. Nor does it serve you well to blame another for your upset response. The upset, theirs or yours, is real.

Instead take a look at it this way:

I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m upset, and the host of other feelings, both positive and negative, are all accurate expressions of feelings… when we say “I’m upset because…” It’s the ‘because’ that creates separation. This is the mind’s interpretation of “why” the upset, sadness or anger occurred.

Be patient, compassionate, and gentle with yourself. You will find the art of relationships becomes the art of loving everyone – especially yourself.

When do you knoe A relaTionsHip haS a FutUre

In many instances, we
all are "gun shy" after a short-or long- term relationship, because
being hurt or feeling bad is not an option.

This stinging feeling tends to guide us as we clamor for something new
or fresh. It’s as if the bricks and mortar are suddenly out and there is a new fortress built conveniently around your heart.

So
when we do meet someone new, how do we know when a bright future is on
the horizon? Furthermore, if we think we have it, how do we really
know?

The heart can be deceptive and initially in a
relationship, it can be very lustful swaying the mind to a sort of
natural high. This period is just that, a period that both people go
through that intentionally attempts to highlight your positives and
suppress your negatives towards the perspective mate.

We all
want to put our best foot forward in any given situation whether it’s
landing a special mate or a good job. However, when your worst foot
inevitably takes place of your best one is when the real test
commences.

In order to properly judge another, one must be able to accept judging
themselves!

None of us are perfect and everyone has flaws, but to what degree can
we accept them not only in others, but ourselves?

If
we all received a piece of paper with a large T on it, and on either
side it listed the pros and cons as the average person would perceive
positives and negatives, we would most certainly have a "leg up" in the
filtering mode.

Most everyone filters through specific traits
and qualities when dating anyone to gauge compatibility and get a
better handle on their odds. So when your filter gets clogged up after
a certain amount of time with their "personal luggage" as most call it,
then it’s time to move on, right?

Well, that depends on you obviously….

These
negative aspects usually are not revealed until some type of commitment
has been agreed upon by both people. Then, the facade and veneer of
"look, I have so many positives and I’m so fun and cool to be around",
evaporates and real life sets in.

It’s a deal; or it’s deal breaker time…..

When all the chips have fallen and the proverbial probationary period
of
lustful highs comes to an screeching end; a couple is left with what
they should have came into the relationship with in the first
place………themselves!

An assessment of sorts or a comprehensive evaluation is undertaken in
some segregated part of your mind and the conversation is as follows:

"Is
this man or woman worth my time? Are we going to make each other better
for being with each other, or does he or she make me feel
something I have never felt before?" If it’s not the exact internal questions, they certainly are not far off.

If our intentions are truly built on a "good hearted foundation" then
not hiding the truth about ourselves when meeting others is a simple
task. We can love who we are inside and then proceed to market that
love so someone else can enjoy it.

However, we hide and not reveal what we know are our negatives without working internally on them before proceeding into another
relationship, where we can inject them all over again. If we ironed
out our problems before delving full fledged into another committed
relationship, then we wouldn’t have to "put our best foot forward
because we would have both feet already firmly on the ground."

It all starts with you and taking personal accountability for your own
heart and what you truly seek in a perspective mate.

False impressions of all positives about yourself put a dishonest spin
into a relationship from the get go and point it for a tenuous at
best, future.

When you get to know yourself inside and out and what you truly want
from a relationship is when you will know if a relationship has a
future or not.

Work on eliminating your negative personality traits before ever
pursuing a committed relationship. Then attempt to efficiently read
your perspective mate’s honest intentions before you invest too much
time. If done correctly, you will have increased your odds
exponentially for a long term relationship and stacked them
confidently in your favor.